Last Week & A Backstory

Posted: September 10, 2013 in School & Life

Alright, before I say anything else, I want you all to know, I was finally able to do what I’d been needing to do for a long time now! I did it on Friday, and it was only a week before that I realized what it was exactly that needed to be done. Now, I’m going to tell you what it is that I did, so grab a drink, or whatever, sit back, relax, and read.

If you remember my last post, the Friday before this past one, I talked to my archery buddy about if she was going to come back to the team or not. That’s exactly what I did this past Friday. Yes, I talked to her again, because of me finally realizing what the root of it all really was, and I was finally ready to say what needed to be said. To make it shorter, I figured everything out. Everything.

So I went down there to the other building where she helps out with that other sport I told you about. It took a few minutes, but I finally got into a situation where I could talk to her privately. And let me tell you, I was totally speaking my mind right then. I asked her if she made a decision, and it turns out she is joining the archery team again (Alright!), but she’s also planning on joining the softball team later in the year, but she said she would come when she’s able. After that, I let out everything that had been bothering me. All the time before I thought my worst fear was being left behind, but it took me until the Friday before last to realize that was not the case. My absolute worst fear is being forgotten. Forgotten by my friends, by anyone I care about (again, my friends). So I told her how stressed out I’d been, and that it was because I was afraid. Afraid of her forgetting about me.

There have been other times in the past where I’ve been a part of something. When I was in elementary school, starting 3rd grade I was always on the girls’ basketball team. Those were the days, back when everyone knew everyone else, there were no certain groups or cliques, there was no social ladder to be ranked on, everyone was so carefree, know what I mean? 3rd-5th grade basketball was the best time for me, oh, how I miss it. It was when I got to middle school that everything changed. You’ve got to understand, once you get there, it’s not just the same group of people you’ve known your whole elementary school career, it’s a combination of your school plus others from all the other elementary schools in your district. That’s when everyone started worrying about social status and popularity, looks, and all that other superficial stuff. When I first got there, I tried saying hi to everyone I had ever known because of basketball, but it’s just like they all completely changed. None of them were how I remembered them to be from before. Not a single one. When I realized my actual fear was, that’s what I traced it all back to. I guess it might surprise you, but things didn’t used to be great for me like they are now. I’ve had a pretty rough past. I’m just glad it’s all been settled.

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