Blue Wednesday

Well everyone, a new week has begun, but I’m going to tell you about things that happened last week, certain things that changed. Beware, they might shock you, maybe even more than you think.

I’ll get straight to what happened, and then the title of this post will make way more sense. I don’t remember exactly when I finally decided it, but, Wednesday, I officially cut contact with my now-former best friend. See, that was a pretty darn big shocker, wasn’t it? Bet you didn’t think I’d drop a bomb like that, did you? Anyway, it’s true. I decided to do it because I felt it to be for the best. I mean, we don’t have any classes together, so we never really got to see each other or talk that much anyway. Also, she and I are both going through big changes, and I just thought it would be best for us to go on our own separate paths, at least for awhile. Also, even though I always said I wanted to protect her, it took me this long to realize that, she never really needed it. She never really needed me for anything, aside from the times I was there to comfort her when she was sad about something. So, Wednesday, I told her what I had decided during lunch. I told her that I think we should go our separate ways for awhile, mostly because of the changes. I told her that I didn’t want to sound mean, but I was going to quit worrying about her completely. I told her I loved her to death, but I felt it needed to be this way. So, that was the end. However, I do have complete faith that we will definitely end up crossing paths again. So, in short, I’ve disconnected myself from her world completely. I’ll admit, it was pretty hard, and I was sad for awhile, but, when I told my other friends and my family about it and why I did it, they all said I did the right thing. Also, whenever something ends, no matter how hard it may be, there will also be a new beginning. I think that that will be the beginning of new relationships in the future, with all the new people on the archery team, and all my softball teammates. So, whatever may come now, I’m ready to face it head-on. That wasn’t the only thing that changed, though. For the entirety of that week, I thought for sure that I would end up having an emotional breakdown. Why? Because of the great change that I’ve undergone.

Now, let me just say, when this happened, when I finally realized that, not only was I changing, but when I realized what kind of change it was, I felt very, very conflicted. I started feeling ways that I knew I probably shouldn’t. And I started feeling like that there was something I wanted, but it would be forever and always out of my reach. In other words, I spent the majority of the week on the brink of despair. But, for a current update, I’m glad to say that I have finally come to terms with my change, no matter what may come because of it. Oh, and that something I want? I know exactly what it is, and I know it’s wrong, but, as a human, I really can’t help how I feel about certain things, so, even though the chances of me ever obtaining it are probably slim-to-none, I’ll still hope for it, but only a little, because there is such a thing as too much hope, and that can make things go in the opposite direction you want them to. So, for now, I’ve just gone back to being how I normally am, how my family and friends are used to me being, happy, upbeat and a little crazy at times. What does the future hold? Only time will tell. So, for now, I’ll just set back, relax, and watch my life play out before me. The future isn’t set in stone, it can always be changed, depending on what directions we take, and the decisions we make. I’m gonna see just how far I can get. That’s all for now.

Come back for my next post!